When you find out you’re pregnant, a million thoughts begin to run through your mind.
An overwhelming feeling. Joy! Happiness!
When you go to your first doctor’s appointment, you get anxious to see that first ultrasound, confirming all of the things you’ve been feeling for the past 8.5 weeks.
Impatiently waiting. Excitement. Nervous.
When you see the ultrasound and there is nothing there, your heart sinks and you think you might pass out.
Crushed. Devastated. Everything stops.
Denial sets in, and you want to believe that technology is failing you. “Maybe there is something there? Maybe it will show up on the next ultrasound? I’ve been so sick, my HCG levels are high, I feel and look pregnant.”
And I am. But there is no baby in there.
Blighted Ovum. Missed Miscarriage. There are a few names for it…but only one makes sense to me: confusion.
This has been one of the most confusing experiences of my life. I know that approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies results in a miscarriage, but I had never heard of this kind of pregnancy loss. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster, and almost like life has been on hold for months. I decided to let my body choose when to “let go” whenever it was ready…I wanted to avoid surgery. But like all plans we make in life, some of them don’t workout.
I carried this empty sac for 16 weeks which resulted in a D&C. Surgery is why I have a daughter and why I’m still alive today myself. I don’t have anything against it when it is necessary. And in this case, again, it was necessary.
I trust God’s plan and know that He sees the bigger picture in all of this. Of course we wanted another child. Of course we wanted our daughter to have a sibling unlike we did. Of course we are upset that it wasn’t meant to be this pregnancy. But we also know there is a reason, and that God is not the author of confusion.
We may not always have all of the answers for life’s struggles, but when we trust in a God who is bigger than all of those struggles combined, we will make it. We will get through it. And He will carry us the whole way. ❤
Dear Tori,
I am so sorry to hear sweetie. I pray that you and AJ find peace during this difficult time. Your strong faith and knowing God is with you will carry you through. I love you.
Aunt Loretta
Tori, I am so sorry you all have had to experience, it is so difficult! I remember when I had the same thing to happen and it was so difficult, and what was even harder was waiting to let my body do what it must, instead of having the D&C( it was scheduled) I went to church one Wednesday evening, I was in Clemson SC on campus attending a bible study that I was randomly led to, didn’t know anyone there and I had the urge to go to the bathroom and that’s
when I passed everything in their bathroom. I was so embarrassed, but to know I had the church members to help me through and pray over me at the ER. Even though I felt alone that night God showed me He was there. I say to this day. Those who were present when this happened to me were my guardian Angel’s! I will say a prayer for you all love during this difficult time. I send my love!❤
Tori God has a plan for you and your little family. We can’t imagine what it is and He knows best for His children. Just like you know best for my sweet niece.. I pray He comforts you and AJ during this time. God will never let you down. Faith as a mustard seed is all we need to trust in Him. I love you very much! ❤️